What it’s like to talk to Christians


“What kind of dog do you have?”

“I don’t have a dog.”

Everyone has a dog.”

“No they don’t.”

“Yes they do.”

“Well, I don’t have a dog.”

“What kind of dog is it?”

“I don’t have a dog.”

“‘No dog” is just as much a kind of dog as ‘Malamute’ is.  You just don’t want to admit it.”

“No, it isn’t.  It’s ‘not a dog’.  It’s the absence of a dog.  I don’t have a dog.”

“Why do you obsess over dogs?  Why do you ‘no dog’ people always have to go around screaming at us about our dogs?  Why can’t you just let us have our dogs and live with them in peace?”

“I wasn’t the one who brought up the subject.”

“Why can’t you just admit that your dog is just as much a dog as mine?”

“I don’t have a dog.  And, not only that, but I notice you have a food bowl and water dish set out for a dog, but nothing other than the neighborhood cats and birds ever show up to eat the food.  I suspect you also have no dog, but are only pretending that you do.”

“My dog is real!  I feel his presence every day!  He loves me and protects me!”

“OK.  Enjoy your ‘dog’ while I enjoy not having one.”

“You have a dog too, you just refuse to accept his love!!”

“I don’t have a dog.”



*No, they don’t all flounce off this way, but a majority of them do.


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