Archive for August, 2013

Probably rude Sex advice to a young bride-to-be

August 29, 2013

It has been a while since I did a “sex post”.  But it is needed because I need to talk to someone who will probably never see this post.  WARNING!  You probably shouldn’t read this if you are easily offended.

Someone I know- a young woman- is engaged and will soon be married.  She needs to know some things before she messes up.

Some of these suggestions might not seem very “nice”, but nice guys (including your soon-to-be hubby) won’t tell you this stuff.  They’ll tell you what they think you want to hear, even though if you believe what they say it will destroy your relationship eventually.  I don’t have that problem since you and I aren’t going to have sex (dang it!).  I can afford to be honest and lay it out in the open- like it or not.

1- Sex matters.  Not just quality, but quantity.  Lovemaking and dirty fucking and quickies and everything in between.  And “new” stuff.  Don’t let him get bored, and don’t put up with being bored yourself.  Come up with fantasies to act out.  And don’t hold anything back.  If you don’t believe me, then delay the wedding until you do.

2- Leave all the worry about being thought of as a slut far behind.  What other people think doesn’t matter, and you’d better hope your new husband finds you slutty.  With him.  Or you’ll drive him to find someone else for some fun, eventually.  If you are more worried about what other people will think than you are about making your marriage work, then call off the wedding before you make a huge mistake- because it means you aren’t ready.

3- Never use sex as a weapon, or deprive him as a way to manipulate him into doing what you want.  This will only drive a wedge between the two of you that will never fully heal.  It will also make him receptive to someone who is willing to offer to get him through the drought.  Sure, she may be ugly, dumb, fat, a slut, a liar, or whatever, but none of that will matter if you deprive him long enough.  He also can’t care about the consequences of being caught if the drought goes on long enough.  Not even if you remind him daily, and threaten him and tell him how you will destroy him.  A man with his head in a plastic bag doesn’t care if the air outside the bag stinks or is toxic; all he will think about is getting that breath.  And if you think “Yeah, but it’s only sex, not oxygen“, then you are in for a huge surprise.

4- Embarrassment has no place in the sex life of a couple.  Neither does shame.  There is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.  Do it all and have fun.  If your religious upbringing has loaded you down with sexual hangups, you need to get rid of them before you consider marriage.

5- “Hand jobs” are not a subsitute for blowjobs.  Sorry.  And if you don’t follow through until after the guy is finished, it isn’t a blowjob, it was just “sucking”.  Maybe this doesn’t matter to him, but you need to make it clear what you are, and are not, willing to do from now on.  Don’t lead him on and expect him to be happy with whatever he gets.

6- No, “it’s not all about sex“, but if you don’t pay scrupulous attention to the sex, the rest will fall apart.  I promise you that.  Unless you are willing to have an open marriage and reject jealousy completely.  But that won’t work for most people.  Unfortunately.

So there ya go.  It’s not nice, it’s not pretty, and you probably didn’t want to hear it.  But you need to.  And if you reject my advice, remember this post when your marriage falls apart.  I won’t say “I told you so”.

.

Advertisements

Is it a sin to make up stupid sh*t about g*d and try to pass it off as the truth?

August 27, 2013

If “bearing false witness” is a sin so terrible that g*d himself supposedly put it in his top ten baddies, what are we to make of all the glurge and phony “scientific” stories about g*d that Christians make up then pass off as “true”?

I got to wondering about this the other day when my Christian friend sent me a “true story” about a pastor who accidentally launched a kitten into the sky that landed smack in front of a little girl who was praying for g*d to give her a cat.

It’s “a true story” about the unnamed pastor of an unnamed church in an unnamed place and an unnamed time and an unnamed mother and an unnamed little girl without witnesses or any form of verification. And which of course reeks of “too good to be true” even as it claims to “prove” something about g*d having a really lovable sense of humor.

Even the “Dwight Nelson” who allegedly told the original tale is meaningless since the friend sending the story doesn’t know any Dwight Nelson and has no idea who he is. Or if he exists at all. (Which he probably doesn’t, since he seems to have been appended to the story after the fact in a lame attempt to add authenticity.)

Now there’s nothing supernatural about this story. It could conceivably have happened — but if so I’d expect it to get written up in the local paper, complete with names and dates and some evidence that a reporter went around checking on the truth of the thing. Even if it went straight from life to email, one would expect names, dates, and other hard facts.

In the absence of all that, it’s just more of the sentimental, often-religious glurge that Snopes.com constantly debunks.

Yet people (like my friend) not only believe this nonsense. They accept these silly stories of the power of prayer as evidence of g*d’s greatness.

Hey, people. If you have to make it up because it never actually happened, it rather proves the opposite. Think about it.

Yet (shudder), millions of damn fools are convinced by crap like this.

Yes, this one was just a harmless cute story. But in the same category of making up sh*t about g*d and passing it off as the truth falls a lot more serious stuff. Pseudoscientific crap like the old story about scientists “proving” that g*d stopped the sun in the sky for Joshua. The person who originally peddled that tale more than a century ago knew it was bunk. The infamous Harold Hill (a fitting moniker, since the original HH is one of the world’s best-known fictional con artists) who updated it to have NASA doing the proving absolutely knew it was bunk.

Sometimes, of course, the original author is relatively innocent — just making up an inspirational tale with no claim of it being factual. But then along come an endless number of “good Christians,” changing the stories to suit their prejudices, slapping “true story!” on, and actually encouraging the gullible to believe this sh*t!

But this has been the way of religionists for centuries. The Internet has only made it easier. “Truth” isn’t what objectively happened (or didn’t). “Truth” is whatever encourages people to believe.

That means, though, that the makers (and editors and promulgators) of all these lying tales are bearing false witness to “prove” how wonderful g*d and Christianity are. And repentant they are not.

Doesn’t that mean they should be trembling before their deity — who sends people to hell for doing things like that?

Delusion- the acid that devours truth (temporarily)

August 20, 2013

I’m surprised I’m not bald.  Yet.  With all the hair pulling I should be doing.

Once again I have run across someone to whom science (the scientific method) is no better than belief in fairies or leprechauns.

This person, in the midst of a debate, claimed that there was zero evidence for the position I was espousing.  So, I did a quick search and provided a bunch of links to scholarly sources demonstrating the evidence.  Of course, that “doesn’t count” for some reason.

I run into this all the time with people who really “need” to believe in magic/superstition/religion.  No evidence is good enough, and it will all “not count” for one reason or another.

Also, in the same discussion, this person claimed that there were no examples of one of the fears (of those he was against) coming to pass.  So I gave two examples of just that- from memory.  And, obviously, those didn’t count either.  In fact he claimed that since one of the cases I mentioned happened a few years ago, it wasn’t current enough, and the other, since there were other circumstances involved, couldn’t be counted, either.  I could have found more with a short search, but didn’t bother.  I knew the drill.

When people are consumed by delusion they will go through any contortions imaginable to avoid seeing reality.

One of these things is not like the others…

August 10, 2013

Seen on a church sign:

iPod

iPad

iPray

Well, if the first two were as unreliable (in real-world terms) as the last one, Apple would have been sued out of existence decades ago.  Why can’t the religious see that and notice that fact?  Because they don’t want to.  That’s the only reason.

Sad.

What it’s like to talk to Christians

August 9, 2013

“What kind of dog do you have?”

“I don’t have a dog.”

Everyone has a dog.”

“No they don’t.”

“Yes they do.”

“Well, I don’t have a dog.”

“What kind of dog is it?”

“I don’t have a dog.”

“‘No dog” is just as much a kind of dog as ‘Malamute’ is.  You just don’t want to admit it.”

“No, it isn’t.  It’s ‘not a dog’.  It’s the absence of a dog.  I don’t have a dog.”

“Why do you obsess over dogs?  Why do you ‘no dog’ people always have to go around screaming at us about our dogs?  Why can’t you just let us have our dogs and live with them in peace?”

“I wasn’t the one who brought up the subject.”

“Why can’t you just admit that your dog is just as much a dog as mine?”

“I don’t have a dog.  And, not only that, but I notice you have a food bowl and water dish set out for a dog, but nothing other than the neighborhood cats and birds ever show up to eat the food.  I suspect you also have no dog, but are only pretending that you do.”

“My dog is real!  I feel his presence every day!  He loves me and protects me!”

“OK.  Enjoy your ‘dog’ while I enjoy not having one.”

“You have a dog too, you just refuse to accept his love!!”

“I don’t have a dog.”

“$#@&%*$#@!!!!”*

 

*No, they don’t all flounce off this way, but a majority of them do.

 

Christianity- for Life and Murder and Kindness and Torture!

August 2, 2013

Religion in general, and Christianity specifically, has been used to justify and endorse everything from peaceful anarchy to totalitarian dictatorships- and everything in between those two extremes- at one time or another.

And the particular system being justified or endorsed can be done so with pretty solid biblical authority if you just focus on the right passages. Such as the way “Christians” now claim “democracy” (or a “republic” if they remember the original US government and don’t see how it has evolved) is the Christian way to govern others to death.  (“The best form of government other than a Heavenly Monarchy headed by God”, I have been informed.)

That means that “biblical authority”, and the religion that claims it, is worthless.

The same goes for the secular religion of statism. The belief that “some” should rule over all is used to justify and endorse all manner of atrocities.  (But since there is really no difference I am not sure why I am trying to invent one.  Delusion = delusion.)

If your belief system can be used to justify and endorse anything- including polar opposites and every position in between, then it’s probably worthless.

Why did it have to be “Adam” and “Eve”?

August 2, 2013

Part of me wants to be excited about the genetic research that’s tracing the human species back to its origins. The latest word is that the male line has now been traced much as the female line was a few years ago.

The research also reveals (unsurprisingly) that this hypothetical male lived at roughly the same time — roughly being somewhere within 20,000 years — as the female.

But the part of me that wants to be thrilled and curious over such arcane scientific research coming to pass in my lifetime absolutely dreads what’s to follow. Researchers or at least the journalists who follow them have chosen to label these ancestors of humanity as “Adam” and “Eve.” Unfortunate choice.

But even if those names hadn’t been popularized by journalists, it would only be a matter of time before some Christian comes up and claims, with utter certainty and total misunderstanding of the science involved, “Scientists have now proved that Adam and Eve existed! So that proves the bible is true!”