Hellbound?

by

Back when I still thought there might possibly be some grain of truth to religion, specifically Christianity- that just maybe there really was a supernatural realm and a (Biblical) God watching over the Universe- I just about lost my mind one day.  I felt as though I was suddenly hit by a train.

I was at work one morning- I was in my early 20s at the time- just doing my normal, daily routine when I was struck with a terrifying thought.  I KNEW without a doubt I had to go to Hell.  I felt dizzy and nauseated immediately and had to sit down.  I was shaking and sweating.

What caused this?  Suddenly, without intending to think of it, I realized I didn’t really believe in anything I was supposed to believe if I wanted to go to Heaven.  I knew I could fake it if I had to, but I knew deep down that I had no faith that anything I had been taught about God, Jesus, and so forth was true.  I knew that God had not chosen to give me enough faith to truly believe, and had therefore cast me aside.  I was not “chosen”.  Added to my frequent insomniac death watch, I had quite a lovely time for a while.

I realize this is a strange juxtaposition of atheism and religion, but that’s just exactly what was going through my head.  I’m very glad I have mostly gotten over it.  Religion really is child abuse.  It scars people for life.

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