Archive for August, 2010

The greatest friend

August 30, 2010

About nine and a half years ago, I was at a desperate low-point in my life.  Worse than ever before or since.  Then one day at work they put the new girl to work with me. 

She and I began talking and I opened up to her.  I had nothing to lose. 

There was nothing romantic between us- she and I just connected as friends.  Not saying I wouldn’t have enjoyed more had it presented an opportunity.

Anyway, she found out my situation and determined to rescue me.  And that she did.  This wonderful friend didn’t just bring me into her circle of friends, she made me feel I was the center of that circle. It’s what brought me out of my very thick shell.

You don’t find a friend very often who will go to that extreme to help you fit in and make other friends. I owe her much more than I could ever repay.

I have now moved across the country from her and find myself in need of another person like her.  Without her around I’m redeveloping my shell.  Have I had my one chance-of-a-lifetime?

A cool blogger: Sky God!

August 25, 2010

Go.  Check out Sky God!

This guy doesn’t always focus on killing the Sky God, but he always has worthwhile diversions.  And sometimes hot babes.

Hellbound?

August 25, 2010

Back when I still thought there might possibly be some grain of truth to religion, specifically Christianity- that just maybe there really was a supernatural realm and a (Biblical) God watching over the Universe- I just about lost my mind one day.  I felt as though I was suddenly hit by a train.

I was at work one morning- I was in my early 20s at the time- just doing my normal, daily routine when I was struck with a terrifying thought.  I KNEW without a doubt I had to go to Hell.  I felt dizzy and nauseated immediately and had to sit down.  I was shaking and sweating.

What caused this?  Suddenly, without intending to think of it, I realized I didn’t really believe in anything I was supposed to believe if I wanted to go to Heaven.  I knew I could fake it if I had to, but I knew deep down that I had no faith that anything I had been taught about God, Jesus, and so forth was true.  I knew that God had not chosen to give me enough faith to truly believe, and had therefore cast me aside.  I was not “chosen”.  Added to my frequent insomniac death watch, I had quite a lovely time for a while.

I realize this is a strange juxtaposition of atheism and religion, but that’s just exactly what was going through my head.  I’m very glad I have mostly gotten over it.  Religion really is child abuse.  It scars people for life.

Death always happens NOW

August 25, 2010

I remember when I suddenly had the horrible realization that one day I would die.  Not only that, but it would be a moment just as real, just as “now” as the moment I am living in as I write this right now

I was a young teenager and the thought struck me as I lay in bed one night.  I have always had insomnia to some extent, and this didn’t help.  I suddenly was horrified to know I would cease to exist.  I would DIE.  I would return to nothingness just as I had come from.  Just as blank and empty- but an emptiness that is completely void of any experience of the emptiness.  Absolute nothingness.  I would be gone- never knowing what happened the next moment or day or centuries after I was dead.

What cruelty to possess a mind that can comprehend its own demise.

It still gives me fits sometimes late at night when I am not sleeping anyway.  I suspect this is why ancient people invented religions and wishes of an afterlife.