Archive for August, 2008

Her Obsession With “Cheating”

August 31, 2008

My psychotic pseudo-girlfriend sees everything as a “cheating” situation.  The worst crime, in her delusional mind, is for someone to get into a new relationship too soon after the previous one ends. 

If a spouse dies, she thinks you should be alone for a long time; probably until she gives her permission for you to move on.  If you break up with a b/f or g/f, you must be alone until SHE decides it is OK for you to be with someone new.  Otherwise you are cheating on the other person.  Believe me, I have heard her putting down lots of people for exactly these reasons.

(I think a big part of the reason is that when I discovered the first batch of her lies, I left her.  She was absolutely terrified that I might hook up with someone before she could blackmail me back to her.  Even after she had done that, she still obsessed about “are you sure you didn’t cheat on me while you were gone?”  Sorry, Skank, but it is not possible to cheat on an ex even if you wanted to.  “Ex” means you are no longer together and you are free to do whatever, with whoever.  And it CAN NOT BE CALLED “CHEATING” by any rational person.)

Of course, if she does the same thing, it is because she had a reason. 

If you are on the internet it is just to “hook up” with someone.  “Computers are nothing but trouble!”  Never mind that she met a guy and left her husband for him.  That was different you see: they didn’t really have a marriage.  BS.

She worries and stresses over everyone else’s relationships.  Probably because she spends so much time trying to sabotage any chance of ever having a real one of her own.

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Sons of Anarchy?

August 29, 2008

I see a new show advertised for FX.  It is called Sons of Anarchy.  It looks to be about a violent motorcycle gang.  The myth is perpetuated.  These bastards have as much to do with “anarchy” as the Hell’s Angels do with angels.  Zero, zip, nada…. except in the minds of the misinforned or brainwashed.  Of course, it is in the interests of the government and its helpers to keep the misinformation going.

Destruction is chaos, not anarchy.  Get it right, people.  Anarchy means you have no rulers; no kings, presidents, or dictators.  It does not mean you do not have rules.  That would be chaos.  That would be “government”.

Repeated Failure

August 28, 2008

Everything I have tried to do has failed.  Even if I try to do the opposite of what I think I should do, it still fails.  I seem to be cursed, but I don’t believe in curses.  That means I do this to myself.  So how can I stop?  If I do what I would normally do, it turns out badly.  If I do the opposite of what I would normally do, it STILL turns out badly.  I guess I could learn to flap my arms and fly.  Yeah, that ought to work….

Explanations

August 21, 2008

I call myself “The Squarest Peg” in this blog for good reason.

I have come to suspect that there is nowhere I can fit in.  Whether it is religion (you think Christians are discriminated against?  Try telling people you are an atheist!) or society in general, I am The Squarest Peg.

I have strong polyamorous tendencies: I can love and/or be deeply in love with more than one person at a time.  Yet, everyone else seems to call this “cheating”.  I didn’t decide to be this way in order to hurt people, but pretending I am not this way hurts me.  And it makes me really angry to need to pretend to think monogamy is “right”.  For me, it is not.  This goes two ways.  I would never deny a girlfriend the opportunity to try out new experiences with other people. I don’t mind sharing; I just don’t want to miss out.  Jealousy is a foreign emotion to me.  I have been told this means I have no self-respect.  Whatever.

I tried to “keep the faith” in my family’s religion, but no matter what, I couldn’t.  Things did not add up.  The “God” of the old testament is not even the same “God” as the one in the New Testament.  That should be obvious.  The Bible is like a genetic code: there is a lot of “junk DNA” in there that is ignored by most people.  Things like recomendations to sell your daughters into slavery, and setting the acceptible price; ordering rape victims to marry their attackers if they want to be “clean” again; demanding the brutal murders of gays, disobedient children, and your enemies babies.  What “the mainstream” refers to as “cults” arise when someone notices and activates some of this junk DNA.  All religions are equally bad.  I don’t trust anyone who has imaginary friends.

By the same token, governments are ridiculous.  They take the worst thugs and give them authority to mold society to their whims, and punish, imprison, kill, or kidnap their opponents.  Elections are held to legitimize the decisions that have already been forced upon us.  Democracy is mob rule.  Socialism is theft.  Self government is the only ethical solution, but it is forbidden.  Don’t vote; it only encourages them.

I like stuff that is seen as odd.  Keep reading and I’m sure you will see more.

I Opened my Mouth Today

August 21, 2008

Today, the Psycho Hose Beast pseudo-girlfriend (hereafter known as “PHB”) wanted a ride to work, as always.  Instead of nicely announcing she was ready to go, she blurted “Are you coming?”.  She was angry, as always, that I was online.  She is terrified I am looking for women and might meet someone better.

So, on the way to work, I told her I do not appreciate being spoken to that way.  I also mentioned that I didn’t appreciate being attacked when I suggested she is frequently too rough with our daughter.  (While playing, she will grab her arms and jerk them.  I have pointed this out previously, but only gotten a “So now you are saying I am not a good mom?” response.)

Then I also said that while I was talking, I would like to say that I want a sex-life again.  I am tired of taking matters into my own hands, as it were.  A couple of times a week, without asking, begging, or otherwise setting myself up for the fall.  I told her the ball is in her court now.  At least now when I DO “cheat” on her I will have a conversation to point back to.  Though she will pretend to be shocked and not understand why it happened.

Loneliness

August 20, 2008

How I miss having someone to hold me in her arms and make me feel wanted and loved.  How I miss being someone’s “SnuggleBunny”.

I know that unless something drastic happens (and possibly not even then) I will never have that feeling again.  I will spend the rest of my life with an aching loneliness that doesn’t end.

Today I was “Mean”

August 17, 2008

The girlfriend was treating me like a child today.  Constantly putting me down and acting like I am a moron.  She was insulting me with every sentence.  So, I finally told her to drop the attitude.  Wow.  Of course, her attitude got worse really quick. 

Later, she said “We don’t even get along anymore.”  Huh?  We never got along except in her delusions.  At least, not after I found out she was a pathological liar.

Ya know, I put up with a lot from her.  Much more than I have ever put up with from anyone else.  Yet, the more I let her do to me, the more she thinks she CAN do.  I would rather be nice than have to put my foot down, but I am really tired of being treated like this. 

If it weren’t for the fact that I don’t want her to take our daughter away, I would tell her to go ahead and leave.  I know she will eventually anyway.  She will just try to kill me first, with stress.

A Reader!?

August 17, 2008

I see someone actually found this blog and read my post about the Georgia Bigfoot hoax.  Scary!

Georgia Bigfoot HOAX

August 16, 2008

So, the guys had their press conference and had nothing but excuses, blurry photos, and promises.  Yep, it was nothing but a lousy hoax.

It was nice to contemplate for a while, though.  Now, does anyone want to claim to have a UFO or Nessie?

My “Girlfriend” (HA!)

August 16, 2008

I will start back in 2003.  I moved back to (state A) with the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.  We were buying (and living in) the pet store that I had worked at.  After I got into it, I discovered that the seller was cheating me severely, but because of the girl I loved, I was trying to work things out.  Unfortunately, after 4 months she left me and came back to (state B) to be with someone I thought was a friend.  I was devastated beyond devastation.  I stopped caring about the pet store and stopped fighting for it.  In the summer of 2004 I lost the store, and was instantly homeless.  I stayed with a friend for a couple of weeks while I tried to decide what to do.
 
My friends in (state B) finally convinced me to come back here at least until I got my life back together.  I came here and moved in with some friends.  It was hard, and I was still very lonely.  I got my old job back and started to get on top of things again.  A few months later, during a slow night at karaoke, I met “woman X”.  It was her birthday and she said she wanted to dance with me.  She gave me her email address and asked if she would ever hear from me again.  I said she would. 
 
We went out on a few dates.  She always paid, insisting that she was “the little rich girl” and that she knew I was broke.  She said she owned a car dealership and “needed” to give away some cars and wanted to give me one.  I told her it wasn’t necessary.  I told her I didn’t care if she had money or not.  I was a little suspicious because she lived with her sister and brother-in-law in a run down trailer.  She said that since her fiancee had died just a few months previously, she didn’t want to live alone.  She said she had given her sister 3 or 4 houses, but she always trashed them, so she wouldn’t give her any more.  She also said to never mention anything about her business or money around her family, because they were jealous.
 
Meanwhile, I was getting very uncomfortable in my living circumstances.  I had no room to myself and was always in the way.  Sometimes I would find someone else sleeping in my bed and would have to sleep on the couch.  It made getting ready for work difficult.  “Woman X” knew what was going on and offered to let me stay with her.  I moved my little box of belongings into the one room we would share.
 
After a few weeks she started wanting to look at houses for us.  So we started talking to a realtor and looking at expensive houses.  She would never let me listen while she spoke to them.  I had to wait in the car. 
 
Oh, and the car she had ordered for me got sent back to the factory “by mistake” and had to be re-ordered.
 
Eventually we found a house we really liked.  We went back and looked at it a couple of times.  When I got home from work she told me she had made an offer on it.  Days later she told me the offer had been accepted, but that the owners needed two months to move after the closing date.   I was still waiting for the car… she kept me updated all the time.
 
Then she told me she also owned an escort service in (state C) (about 50 miles away).  This seemed odd because she seemed to hate all women.  She was rude to all my female friends, even though they tried hard to be her friend.  Soon they all hated her.
 
As the date to move into the house got closer, I was getting excited.  But then she got a letter from a lawyer saying the owner of the house had died and if we still wanted the house it would take longer.  I got suspicious because the nearby town in which the lawyer was from was misspelled in the letter. Hmmmm.  So, secretly I called the realtor.  She had never made an offer, the owner was fine…. it was all a lie.  I confronted her and she made some lame excuse that my former girlfriend lived near that house and she was scared to move there.
 
As the weeks went on I caught her in more lies.  Each time I would say “are you sure that you aren’t lying about anything else?”.  She always said that “that was the last one”.  I was suspicious because no money ever showed up, no car ever showed up.  She broke into my email account and then blamed it on a friend who she used to say she went to visit all the time.  Even to this day, I have never met even one of her “friends” that she used to talk about; they were all made up. 
 
Finally I had had enough and I left her.  She flipped out.  She started calling all my friends endlessly, looking for me.  She called my parents and said I had gotten her pregnant and then left her.  She called my first ex-wife and said that she was planning to give her a house and cars but now she couldn’t because I had left her.  As you can imagine, I was pressured to go back to “woman X”, who I forgot to tell you had not even told me her real name until a week or two after I met her.  She made (the name she told me) up because she likes it better.  She emailed me an ultrasound that she said was my baby.  I asked to see the original, but it was in her safe deposit box now.  So I told her to meet me in the park for a pregnancy test.  We went there and I looked at the box of the test and frisked her before I let her go into the porta-potty to take the test.  It came back positive.  Defeated, I moved back in with her.  She said if I would just move in for a couple weeks she would give me 2 million dollars.  Mysteriously the pregnancy stopped being mentioned soon after she got me back.  Plus no money, of course.  I found out when she got pregnant for real much later that she had lied about the whole thing.  She was forced to admit to the doctor that she had never been pregnant before.  I still don’t know how she faked the test, but she did.
 
Every time I tried to leave her, she would raise the stakes and promise me more money, or a bigger house, or say that she couldn’t cancel the car order, and had changed her will to give everything to me, blah blah blah.  I kept telling her I thought she was lying about everything.  She said “you really think people have nothing better to do than make up lies like this?  If you think that, maybe you need councelling.”
 
Then a couple years ago, my daughter “M” called and wanted me to come see her for her birthday.  “Woman X” had recently gotten a check for $41,000 from her fiancee’s estate.  She said we could use that money to go to see my daughter in (state D).  I told her that if that was the only money she was getting, we needed to save it for living expenses.  She got mad, saying she didn’t know why I always thought she was lying.  So, we went to (state D), and then she wanted to go to (state E) to visit my parents…. and the trip ended up lasting 6 months, with trips to many states.  She had me quit my job, saying she would have no problem supporting me, and she was offended that I didn’t trust her.  We spent all of the money, but she was saying she was trying to sell her part of the car dealership and was getting $75 million dollars for it.  She dragged my parents into the whole drama.  They said they thought she was telling the truth, even though I kept telling them she NEVER told the truth.  She had us going to look at houses in (state F) and (state E) that cost millions.  I think she should be arrested for fraud and for wasting the realtors’ time.
 
Anyway, after she kept stalling on the money I had an online acquaintance who is an investigative journalist check into her stories, and I found out for certain she has lied to me about everything from the beginning.  But it was too late and she was pregnant.  She also demands that I never mention any of her lies, even though they have totally altered my life.
 
So now I live trapped with the worst enemy I have ever had.  I can not stand her.  She tries to pick fights all the time.  She has tried to control every aspect of my life.  She has separated me from my friends, the hobbies I enjoy… just about everything.  Now she has gotten me to move to (state E), where we are living with my parents.  She is barely literate, she hates music.  She lectures me all the time about wanting a “relationship” with me, but how can I have one with her?  She blames me for her depression.  She refuses sex, but cries because I won’t have sex with her.  I couldn’t be less attracted to her if she was a man.  She is completely psycho and absolutely impossible to please or even get along with. 

I think a big part of the reason I can’t get past her lies is that she lied so much about so many things.  So I am confronted with reminders everywhere I look.  On TV, there are ads for the car dealership she claimed to own.  When I go places, I pass houses we looked at together.  Even her attitudes, and “why she feels” certain things are based upon lies she told.  The reason she sulks, the reason she doesn’t trust me, they are all based on events she made up.  It’s like when we had first began seeing one another, she didn’t like me going to the one bar because her friend’s husband met a girl there and slept with her and later when she turned up pregnant, he found out she was 16 and he got arrested, and blah, blah, blah.  It turned out that “friend” was totally imaginary.  Just like the guy who worked for her at the dealership who got arrested for sleeping with a 16 year-old girl and called her up for bail money and she told him “no”.  I don’t know who those phone calls were really from.  Probably junk calls that she used to set me up.  Everything that happened in my life, or that she thought might happen, she had some “friend” who was going through the same thing, whom she used as a warning.  She knows I am attracted to young women so her tales often involved the dangers that they might be younger than they said.  But that isn’t all.  Anything she wanted to threaten me about, she had some horror story about it.  She even claimed she was raped in a bar while driving home from the dealership years ago.  That way she could have a reason to hate going to the bar, a reason why I had to wait outside the bathroom door (instead of talking to anyone) while she was in there, and why she was sexually messed up.  Oh, and a reason to fear being alone (“he got out of jail.  He might come looking for me now!”)  I just feel so manipulated.  This is why I say I don’t even know who she is.  She is not the person I met, or even the person I “got to know” for the first year or so, since it was all a lie.

She is the worst enemy I have ever had.